Keep in mind...

Through all this recent shit that's coming up. I am trying to remind myself that I have followed my gut in the past, and been right.

Examples:

I pushed, HARD to get him into Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and got him an appointment in 3 weeks for his club foot, because I wanted the best for him. I tried that for the developmental peds, but, the waiting list is 2 years and iron clad.

The Dr's suggested I quit breastfeeding because it was "too hard". I went against Dr's suggestions and kept nursing. Sure, I was struggling with it but Neil was eating and healthy though it wasn't easy for me. I went through tons of shit keeping that up. Sure enough though, as far as colds, flu's, ear infections etc go - he is rarely ever sick. I think like, once a year, tops.

His head was measuring in the 110% among kids his age. His body was in about the -15%. The Dr's suggested cat scans, multiple diagnostic test to explore the reason behind this. I decided that he couldn't deal with any more stress than he was already in from all the other Dr's issues - club foot, platelets, allergies. I knew the stress of all the Dr's was too much for him, so I said no to further testing. Well, I didn't exactly say no, I just didn't do what the Doctor said heh. I'm brave but I'm not confrontational :)

When he wasn't walking before 18 months, I stressed. I contemplated therapy, etc. When he did walk at 18 months, I was relieved, but he didn't do it again until a month before his 2nd bday. I was worried, despite the fact that I knew having had the club foot he would be slower to walk. Well, we made the call to not stress him with doctors/therapy - and you know, one day he just up and started walking.

To tell you the truth, the only reason I got into Early Intervention in August was because I found out that after age 3, they no longer do home visits, it's all done in the preschool only. Being against putting him in preschool, especially special ed preschool - I jumped onto the Early Intervention band wagon. Otherwise? I might just be doing my own thing and biding my time with him. I haven't decided if I made the right choice there, but it's too late now.

So, yeah, I've been validated in my rebellious tendencies before. I've trusted my gut and kept a stiff upper lip....well, not exactly, I usually end up crying like a baby, but still, I persevere, I'm just red and puffy while I'm doing it. I just hate HAVING to do this. I hate being forced to make these calls. I just want to run off into the woods and tell everyone to bite me. My baby is perfect. Leave me alone. But, unfortunately the "normal" scale of society is a heavy weight on my shoulders. Not to mention that Neil is about 6' taller than almost all kids his age, so people assume he's older and expect a lot more out of him.

I hear all these stories about kids that didn't talk "and then one day out of nowhere they started talking" and I wish I could tell this story for mine. I mean, I heard these stories about walking, and sure enough it happened. I hear "Einstein didn't talk til he was almost 5" and "my (child/nephew/niece/friend's kid/god son/granddaughter) didn't talk til s/he was almost 4" and I think...... I'll never last that long. I can't tolerate this stress and sadness for a single moment better yet another couple of years.